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Our last day in Thailand, December 17th 2012, was spent packing, cleaning and saying goodbyes. The parents came to pick their kids up from school and we would hug them goodbye. All of us teachers gave up on holding our tears in right away. It was so difficult because the kids didn’t fully understand that they would never see us again. I have never been so attached to children outside of my family. For four months I spent an average of 5 hours a day with these kids. I not only knew their personalities but I knew their strengths and weaknesses. I knew how each one showed affection and how they wanted to be shown affection. I knew how much they had improved not only in English but with their social skills. I knew their parents and what their home life was like. I knew what kind of learners they were and how to help them retain information. I knew these kids. And I loved them with all my heart.

I completely understood that when, or even if, I returned to Thailand, it would be years in the future. These children would be at boarding schools all over the world, or simply unreachable. I would have no way of contacting them. It broke my heart to leave them in the hands of teachers who wouldn’t even know their names. But I knew that these new teachers would learn to love them and understand them in the way I did.

As we hugged the kids goodbye, each one got more difficult and each one would act less like themselves. I’m sure it made the kids feel uneasy seeing their teachers in an emotional state, some to the point where they refused to even hug us. Others cried alongside us and those were the most difficult. Us teachers would wave as they drove away with their families and then comfort one another. Finally the time came to get in the van and drive to Bangkok. It was the longest five hour drive of my life.

I knew that after the drive I would be stuck in an airport for five hours and I would no longer be in Thailand quicker than I wanted. I felt that I had to take everything in and reflect how that country changed my life. As we drove, I listened to comforting music and the tears continued. Thailand had changed my life. I felt at home there even with everything feeling so foreign. I knew what my purpose was in life and I knew what was expected of me there. Life in Thailand reflected the lives of the Thai people: simple yet breath-taking. Thailand also changed who I wanted to become. It changed how I viewed others and how I viewed this world. I gained a better appreciation for my family, my church and especially my Savior Jesus Christ.

I know that Christ died for the sins of the world. I know that Christ is aware of the lives of the Thai people I came into contact with. He knows their joys, their challenges and their hearts. The homeless man who always wore a construction vest and who waved to us, the humble Buddhist monks, our favorite fruit vendor, and countless others all were known, loved, and understood by Jesus Christ. He loves them, he wants them to be happy, and even though they don’t have a relationship with him, he appreciates their Christ-like love.

A part of the Thai culture will always be with me. It is now March and I still feel completely different from the person I was in August. My understanding has changed, my desires are more grounded and my capacity to love has grown immensely. I hope that I can look at these past posts and remember my life in Phichit. I hope that others can grow and learn from it too. I know that as we put ourselves in difficult situations that may be out of our comfort zone, we will grow and be edified. This experience was anything but easy but I wouldn’t trade the lessons I learned for anything.

Thank you to my parents who trusted in my decision to do this. Thank you to ILP for allowing this experience to take place. Thank you to Tang and Ake for taking care of me, and thank you to Natalie, Kelsey, Heidi, Lindsay, and Charlotte for supporting me in that journey. I am so blessed.